A Push In The Right Direction
by GirlWednesday
Summary: "Maybe it was inevitable." She offered, her words profound and wisdom filled. She was always wise beyond her years


**A/N: Have just been reading some Dixie and Jeff fics and there are so little on here, so I'm expanding the collection.**

Jeff Collier stood outside the gates of the cemetery a bunch of white lilies tucked in his arm. He had been stood there for a good minute or so, just staring in and trying to figure out why he had felt the need to visit.

He sighed to himself before glancing over his shoulder to look at his parked motorbike, contemplating whether or not he should just turn around and ride off into the distance, like he was never there.

The motorbike had been a spur of the moment purchase, he had ridden one when he was younger and thought it was time to recapture his youth. He had been desperate to be spontaneous, so he had handed in his resignation at the hospital, threw a few necessities into a bag, said goodbye to his friends and left. He knew that if he couldn't be with her, he had nothing keeping him in Holby.

Slowly he reached out and pushed open the heavy gates and stepped in, usually when Jeff thought of church yards, the image of darkness and spooky sounds emerging from the shadows appeared in his mind. This was different though, the sun was beating down and the sky was a clear blue up above, it almost seemed too serene for a grave yard.

He walked slowly up the gravely path, the crunch from under his feet seemed to echo around the area, bouncing off the headstones as it did so, he almost felt guilty for disrupting the peaceful silence.

As he reached the grave, he lingered for a moment or two as he read the engraving against the marble surface. He reached out his hand and placed it on top of the headstone, before kneeling down beside it and placing down the flowers.

"They're from a florist, you know, I knew you would be able to tell if I just got them from a garage." He informed a slight smile across his face.

He exhaled loudly and stared off into the distance, he had come there for peace of mind and hoped it would bring him the slightest bit of comfort, however now he was there, he hadn't a clue what to do.

He shut his eyes and thought of her, he could picture her so clearly, if he was going to do this he would have to visualise her as if she was right there with him.

He could see her in place of the soulless slab of marble she stood in front of him, her smile as bright and eyes as sparkling as they used to be. Her hair in it's usual short and curly style, the nose stud in place as always and she was wearing her yellow t-shirt and blue jacket along with a pair of tight jeans.

"Let me guess, you're here for advice?" She asked her voice crystal clear in his ears and exactly how he remembered it.

"Oh Pol what am I going to do?" He confided to the once young paramedic.

"It seems your mind is already made up." Polly replied gesturing to the bag that was across his shoulder.

"How can I leave her behind?"

"How can you stay? when you want more than what she can give you?"

"Since when has falling in love my wife been a bad thing?" He wondered a look of pain in his eyes.

"She can't change her sexuality to be with you, no matter how much you love her." Polly reasoned reaching out to him with an empty touch.

"How did it even happen? We were fine as we were, we lived together, we were best friends and our marriage fended off the lonely feelings and I had to ruin it by falling for her." He listed becoming increasingly frustrated.

"Maybe it was inevitable." She offered her words profound and wisdom filled. She was always wise beyond her years.

"All those hours we spent together talking, comforting each other through bad times, laughing through the good and still she will never look at me the way I look at her."

"You came here in search of reassurance, that you're doing the right thing and you are Jeff, you really are."

"Leaving Holby would be easy if I wasn't going without her." He sighed torn between what to do.

"You're halfway there, you've packed and you quit your job, I can't help you any more." She concluded as she turned and walked slowly away from him before fading completely.

"Don't go." He pleaded with the empty space where she should have been stood.

His eyes flickered open and he was alone again, Polly was gone again and he had a choice to make.

"Thanks Pol." He weakly smiled as he got to his feet and once again ran his hand along the headstone, tracing the writing with his finger.

He quickened his pace as he headed out, he finally knew what needed to be done.

Meanwhile over the other side of Holby, Jeff had not been alone in the mixed feelings and emotions. She was stood in the toilets of the group's usual pub. Everyone else was out in the bar area, laughing away about the smallest of things all unaware of her hurt over the sudden departure of her best friend and colleague.

She knew why he had to go, he thought he had her fooled but she knew all about how he felt, she knew that man inside and out.

She loved Jeff of course she did and their friendship meant everything to her and now after all they faced together over the years, it seemed laughable to her that something as miniscule as a difference in sexuality would tear them apart.

Her trail of thoughts were abruptly broken by the sound of the toilet door bursting open and a drunken Lynda staggered in a mischievous look on her face.

"For someone who's gay, you sure are upset about Jeff leaving." She giggled before practically falling into one of the cubicles.

Dixie was used to that kind of response to her and Jeff's friendship/marriage, nobody could fully understand it. People would ask various questions about how they worked and Jeff would often get ridiculed for having a lesbian wife, their relationship was unique and only they fully understood it.

To Dixie it was simple, attraction and love were two separate things. She used to think you couldn't have one without the other when it came to partners but she had been proved wrong. Dixie would go out for the night and there would be plenty of women who she would find attractive and flirt with and even on the odd occasion share the odd kiss with, but at the end of the night it was always Jeff who she would yearn to return home to.

She picked up her bag and pulled open the door, she had had enough for one night and was ready to return home. She made her way out through the packed bar, the music playing loudly through the speakers and the voices of her colleagues raised high to be heard.

She quickly exited in hope of getting away from the hustle and bustle of it all, something she and Jeff used to revel in.

She was stopped dead in her tracks by the sound of a revving engine, she quickly looked up and spotted the motorbike over the other side of the road, Jeff held the bike still, a grin on his face and was looking directly in her direction.

She took her time in crossing the road, she had the urge to dash across but she kept her cool and remained composed.

As she joined him, they merely looked at each other, no words were said. He picked up the spare helmet from the back of the bike and passed it over, again no words were needed to be said, they knew what was happening.

She placed the helmet on herself and joined him on the bike, it went without saying that they were leaving together. Jeff placed his foot down on the pedal and zoomed down the road at an alarming pace and within moments they were around the corner and out of sight. There was never any question that he would leave without her, he just needed a push in the right direction.

The next day nobody questioned where Dixie had gone, they all knew and none of them were surprised.


End file.
